A guide to friendship breakups on campus.
Some approach a friend break up with avoidant eyes in the dining hall. Others may take a different approach, like lengthy texts or conversations. Either way, the Bennington friend break up can almost constitute a right of passage on campus.
Whether it be your first term or your last, friendships on campus are important for the heart. Notorious for being a unique college experience, Bennington friendships are not excluded from that. While some might last forever, not all the friendships on campus will hold through the treacherous 4 years.
For some students, there is a pressure to live up to the “college friends will last a lifetime” trope. But what do you do when faced with a friend break-up? As Junot Diaz says in This is How You Lose Her “the half-life of love is forever”. So, how does one hold onto love through a friend breakup?
I turned to an anonymous student for input:
Q: Have you experienced a friend break up on campus? If so, what was your experience?
A: Yes I have… emotionally it’s quite unpleasant. You’re forced to see them all the time. [You have to] see them as a person, not just an artifact of your memory.
Q: Looking back on your experience of friendships over the years, do you have any regrets or do you feel satisfied with the experience as a whole?
A: Both. The whole experience was growth. I think that there are things that I wish I did differently but ultimately the relationship ending has taught me a lot and I’ve grown because of it.
Q: How do you feel friend break ups at Bennington are influenced by being physically on campus?
A: For friendship, [Bennington] makes relationships fast and intimate. As far as break ups, it’s a good thing and a bad thing. They are really intense because you’re going to see them everyday and often. You won’t be able to avoid them. But at the same time it’s made me more mature. I know I have to see them so I know I need to respond to it in an adult way. I’d rather it not be super uncomfortable even if it’s going to be a little weird. I can prevent it from being heinously bad.
Q: What is one piece of advice for anyone going through a friend break up?
A: When I was a freshman, someone told me that “you’re going to walk out [of Bennington] with a different friend group than you started with”. I think that’s a good piece of advice because that’s okay and that’s good, you’ve probably grown because of it.
Overall, allowing time to grieve is an important aspect of the healing process. Understanding that some relationships are meant for a certain period of time can help the coping process. Not diminishing the love and experiences had within a friendship can allow for a clearer understanding of the purpose the friendship served.
Whether the friendship is merely on-hold or is done for good, practicing self care and maintaining healthy boundaries is a good way to ensure growth is made on both ends of the break up.
The urge for connection in college is inescapable yet so is the process of self discovery. Regardless of your term or friend group, allowing yourself to love and learn is all part of the college experience.
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