- Miss Stripe, this term I have been so codependent with my best friend it feels almost unhealthy. We eat every meal together, study together and take the same classes. I rely on her for a lot but the thing is… it’s not mutual. She still has a handful of friends separated from our friendship. Am I being overly clingy and too codependent?
Firstly, let’s acknowledge how hard it is at a school of 600 people. People travel in flocks, it’s the way the world works so don’t beat yourself up about it. But there needs to be a Plan B. Talk to your friend’s other friends, start chatting with a classmate or participate in house culture. Go to those parties, go ask for a cigarette, go ask for a light, and strike up a convo! Bond over how bad the music is and share entertaining memories from previous parties.
Also, a good rule of thumb measure is practicing your independence. Allow yourself time out of the day solely reserved for special ‘you’ time. Learn how to live with yourself, love yourself and enjoy your own company. Overall, it sounds like you are best friends and hold a special bond, which is pivotal at this stage of your adult life. Keep that safe space you have with your friend while also branching out a healthy amount.
- The guy I like seems to be loved by the whole student body. He’s nice to me but that’s just the type of person he is. Should I continue to yearn or just give up?
It is entirely possible to shoot the shot with the guy who’s nice, have it go wrong, and then have things go back to normal. You can be let down nicely and continue to yearn. It’s better to know then to never ask and continue to wonder. Whatever you do, don’t suppress this. If you do, you will become interested in the most rancid, evil man. And no, you can’t fix him.
- Dear Miss Stripe, I have no idea what I am doing. As the term progresses, everything around me changes rapidly: who I call my friends, my love life has transformed and my substance use is higher than ever. What can I do to feel like myself again?
Based on what you’ve told me, it sounds like this is your first year at Bennington. Let some time pass and it’ll be okay. It does get better. Even if you’re not a freshman, there is always next year and a new opportunity to transform yourself. Start by having a ritual for yourself both as a way to construct a schedule but also to practice self care. In order to feel like yourself again indulge in habits and interests from before you found yourself in this mess.
- Go lay in the sun
- Wash your hair
- Take an everything shower and eat fruit in there
- Change your sheets
- Appreciate what the trees look like
- Commit to drinking water
- Get off that phone
- Read a good book
- Talk to Joe Tucker
- Delete Jodel
- Matter of fact, delete everything but Facebook. Connect with your family.
- The girl I like doesn’t have a compatible birth chart with me at all. I know it sounds silly but these things really do matter and play out into relationships. Should I continue pursuing her even though we are not compatible?
Love transcends stars. If you have good feelings about this girl, are compatible with her and see relationship potential, don’t listen to fuck ass CoStar. Are you going to trust your intuition or a non-credible app? Pursue her and if it doesn’t work out, blame the birth chart.
- How do I soft launch being asexual to my partner that I have already had sex with? For context, I get horny but it doesn’t really go anywhere. I don’t experience insane pleasure or orgasms by being touched. So though I love physical connection I don’t think I can commit to having sex. What should I do?
You need to have an in-depth conversation with your partner as to what physical intimacy you are comfortable with. Find out what physical intimacy you enjoy and what physical intimacy they want out of a relationship, because there might be a balance somewhere in the middle. You will be able to figure it out, but you can’t do that by soft launching this, so have the conversation sooner rather than later. It’s also important to clarify to your partner that it’s not personal. If your partner takes it that way, then you shouldn’t be in a relationship with them. You deserve to be in a relationship with someone who respects you and respects your boundaries and preferences.
Don’t let yourself think like there’s one right way to have sex. And most importantly, don’t fake anything. This may be an evolving part of your relationship and you should free yourself from the standard of what a relationship looks like.
We love you miss stripe!