- Dear Miss Stripe, every man I date seems to be gay? Both high school and during my time here at Bennington. Should I just transition into a guy? PLEASE HELP
We’re not going to lie, it’s hard out here. The metrosexual boom has really become a big thing in America and has infested liberal spaces like Bennington. Think about what exactly you are attracted to in these men. Is it that twinkness in them? If you’re attracted to that vibe, consider studying abroad for a term in Europe and finding a boyfriend there. On the other hand (from a sensible lesbian perspective), is the reason you’re attracted to these men because they are more approachable? Is there something unattainable about these men that you’re chasing? Try dating a butch lesbian.
As for your question about transitioning, we encourage you to experiment, especially at a forgiving place like this college. Everyone is still in the process of figuring out their identity. Keep an open mind. Get a binder, try that non-binary haircut, and see how you feel. You have some exploring to do; experiment with all of the LGBTQ+. Taste the rainbow, as they say.
- Miss Stripe, how do I connect with a professor if I’m unsure if they like me? I don’t feel like my work is half as good or interesting to them. I also don’t want to make them uncomfortable or be givin teachers pet?
Even if it feels like it sometimes, Bennington is not high school. You take classes with the same professors over and over again, and by the time you graduate, they know you and your work very well. The best thing you can get out of college is close mentorship with professionals in your field of study. If you want to become close with a professor, take classes with them, talk to them every chance you get, and go to their office hours on a regular basis. Don’t worry about your work being “good enough” because that’s part of being an undergrad. These people are your academic peers more than anything else. Do not be afraid to look stupid or take risks; being honest and open to a professor is what improves your work and builds that relationship that may lead to connections postgrad.
- It has been almost a year since my breakup with someone I was with for 2 years. I am in a new and healthy relationship now but I recently saw they were in one too. I don’t want to be with them (we broke up for a reason) but I find myself feeling a way about it. I know it’s contradictory, cause I jumped into a relationship even sooner but how could they move on? I wonder if they still think about me… I WILL NEVER BE IN CONTACT WITH THEM AGAIN.
Watch Sex and the City seasons one through four. You’ll see almost this exact scenario played out with Carrie and Big. You should take this as a huge DON’T DO IT. Part of what you might be feeling is emotions surrounding growing up or missing who you were in that relationship. If this is a high school heartbreak that is spilling over into your college experience, the dreaded but true answer is to wait it out. Do a breathing exercise to remove this person from your subconscious. Unfollow them from Instagram. Or delete all social media. Tell mutual friends not to mention your ex around you. If thinking about this is not making you happy or feel good about yourself, stop paying attention to it. At the end of the day, Big moved to Paris.
- I live in a party house and it makes me feel very private and reserved even though I’m not. I drink, smoke and love fucking around — just on my terms. How do I justify this so I don’t feel like a fucking square?
Rule number one: Don’t move to a party house if you like partying. You may leave college being addicted to various substances. Not living in a party house does not mean that you’re not a party person; it just means you like to have your own space and to be able to decide when you want to participate. One of the best parts of being at Bennington is being able to party as much as you want. It is a luxury to be able to walk down the street to a place where you’re going to get blackout drunk and know you’re going to be safe walking home. The short answer is MOVE.
- How do I manage having a long distance partner? I get so jealous when I see people on campus get to hang out with their significant others. I don’t know if it’s an issue of jealousy or if being long distance is actually affecting our relationship. How does anyone make this work?
If it doesn’t feel easy, break up. Especially if you are entering college in a long-distance relationship!!! It’s definitely a good thing to be single at Bennington because there is not one person out there for you. We promise this is not the biggest decision you’ll ever have to make.
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