We’re not professionals. This is just chat
Theme: Sex and Love
CONTENT WARNING: DISCUSSIONS OF SEX AND NUDITY.
“I keep having dreams where I’m hanging out with my guy friend, and he’ll make a move on me. Somehow we start dating and it’s always like a sex dream, but the guy isn’t always my friend, it’s my crush.[…] I know [I find the person] attractive, but the lines blur between [his real identity], like they’re interchangeable. And one time, my dream consisted of both of them, as themselves, and I was going between them, kinda like those 2 places at once episodes in sitcoms. I’ve also had dreams where my crush has rejected me because I’m plus-size, and that’s why he doesn’t want to be with me.”
This is a classic sex dream – a familiar situation interrupted by something unexpected. There’s excitement, confusion, novelty – maybe a little embarrassment. It’s exciting, if slightly disorienting – but perhaps, so is sex. There’s also underlying themes of loyalty and transformation here – that the dreamer is moving between their friend and their crush like a “sitcom” episode speaks to a desire for an emotional shift which avoids the risk of suffering negative consequences – like a TV show episode, they desire a change that both preserves the closeness of their existing relationships while also intensifying them. So, is it possible that the dream itself is an appeal for changing the patterns of these existing relationships?
“I had a sex dream about a girl I have class with. I’d never seriously thought of her in a romantic or sexual way and we don’t really talk that much outside of class. I don’t know how to feel about it. She’s conventionally attractive and emotionally, I’m pretty desperate for some sort of intimacy so that almost certainly played a role in it. But the dream wasn’t just about the sex, it included a lengthy and emotionally charged pillow talk session where I felt safe, comfortable, cared for, and I allowed myself to be vulnerable. I wanted to make her [vulnerable] as well. I don’t remember much else, other than a vague sense of comfort.”
Interesting. This sounds like a wish-fulfillment dream – where the mind satisfies desires or fantasies that the conscious mind may not have a full awareness of. The contributor mentions feeling “desperate for intimacy” – and yet, the actual event of sex is not shared. Focusing on the sense of comfort and connection indicates this dream has less to do with sex and is more concerned with the dreamer’s ability to connect with someone who was once a stranger. In this sense, the wish fulfillment is proving the possibility of intimacy with someone new and unexpected.
“[I dreamt about] a guy I had a situationship with a while ago[..]. He wasn’t really in it, but he was a major component. I don’t remember much but in the dream [but] it was bleak and I [accidentally received an email] about how someone [was responsible for preventing me and that guy from being together]. It was really weird and I’m lowkey mad he was in it considering I’ve been trying to move on.”
From what’s described, this seems to be a different kind of wish-fulfillment dream: it provides a rationality for an event that is associated with confusion. Although the desire being fulfilled is not necessarily a fantasy, it is a key component to sating the dreamer’s longing for answers about their relationship. It would be interesting to analyze who this email was from; the source providing such consequential information could be another clue to what the dreamer is processing.
Content warning – this dream has mentions of physical harm.
“I was having a sleepover with my friend in a room that looked like a basement, plaster walls and cobwebs. It was dark, and in the dim light I watched him get into his pajamas before getting into bed. He got into bed and i squeezed his arm. Suddenly another guy friend/ex was there too, and i was irritated and confused, but not very surprised. Then that actress that was in devil wears prada, Anne Hathaway, came in and she was so gorgeous and was wearing this red lipstick that made her lips look full and pretty. All of a sudden both of my friends were talking about having a threesome with her? And i was like scared and weirded out but also jealous that she was so beautiful and angry that she was interrupting the peace. My dream shifted then to a vague image of my ex using a knife to cut my legs and it really hurt but it was part of the weird orgy we were having? And i was like this is so painful but I thought to myself, it has to hurt to get to the good part, it’s just a part of the sex. Then it was the next day and I wasn’t sure what had happened and my crush was in the basement where I had slept and I mentioned Anne Hathaway and the threesome and they just rolled their eyes.”
The details of this dream are what stand out the most – that the room was a basement with specific walls, squeezing the friend’s arm, and Anne Hathaway was “from The Devil Wears Prada” – and, all the feelings. There is a lot of envy present in this dream; the ending, where the dreamer’s crush rolls their eyes at the news of the orgy with Anne Hathaway, exposes fear of rejection, or perhaps humiliation. Being dismissed by a crush after sharing something disorienting, vulnerable and disturbing is an enactment of an ultimate betrayal. This also comes up during the orgy, when the dreamer convinces themself that the injury being inflicted on them is in fact part of sexual pleasure – although, the only person the dreamer mentions in the orgy specifically is the ex. And, regarding Anne Hathaway – it seems like the dreamer is perhaps frustrated with their own relationship to femininity. The specific detail of her beauty being something the dreamer is both admiring and jealous of suggests an internal grappling with their relationship to sex and love.
To submit your dreams (or, to submit another!) use this link: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfZY9K2b2E19x8IEwRPtV47zmrSmBK6yRjRq1lim3wqDR6c5w/viewform?usp=sf_link
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