Life is unpredictable. Each month brings new joys and challenges, most of which we are frustratingly unable to see coming. Driven purely by a love of giving unsolicited advice, and with absolutely no astrological expertise, I am here to help. I hope this astrological guide to November offers you some insight into the month to come.
Scorpio: Despite what people may tell you, being in complete control of every aspect of your life is a realistic, achievable goal. It’s important to ask yourself, though, what are you going to do with success once you have it? Struggle and effort can easily become a core part of your identity, but the reason you are able to do most things you set your mind to is because of your strong intuition, something which often disguises itself as mere practicality. Accept how special you are this month, Scorpio. Stop drinking coffee and start buying lottery tickets.
Sagittarius: You keep finding yourself in situations where it feels vitally important to have the last word. I hate to tell you this, but you’ll never have the last word if everything you say merits a spirited response. And why is that a bad thing? Your talent for provocation is what makes you so fun to talk to! Your opinions aren’t controversial; they’re conversationally generative. Cultivate an inquisitive nature this month, Sagittarius. Stop using dating apps and start talking to strangers at the grocery store.
Capricorn: Let’s face it- when it comes to certain things, you are simply better than everyone else. Let this knowledge encourage you to move through the world with kindness and compassion. Other people’s shortcomings aren’t deliberate; they just weren’t born with the ability to make the right decision in every situation like you were. Let some things slide this month, Capricorn. Stop checking your bank account balance and start taking hour-long showers.
Aquarius: Sometimes you can’t help but feel like you’re getting in everyone’s way, or like you’re in the wrong place at the wrong time. How about a perspective shift? Maybe everyone else is in your way. Maybe you’re right, and the time and place are wrong. There’s not much you can do about that, but a selfish attitude will carry you far this month, Aquarius. Stop listening so closely when other people are talking and start writing your memoir.
Pisces: I know that whatever you are currently working on seems like the most important project you have ever undertaken, but sometimes you need to look around and think about the bigger picture. The days are getting shorter, and soon you won’t be able to see the sun at all if you spend too many hours in VAPA or the library, so practice some leniency. Force yourself to try something new this month, Pisces. Stop knitting that hat and start smoking more weed.
Aries: Your Instagram explore page looks crazy right now. Why do you keep your toothbrush in your underwear drawer? Your bag is so full of last month’s assignments and next month’s tampons that you’re afraid to put anything else in there for fear it will be buried forever. I love you. Embrace your unique ability to curate absolute chaos this month, Aries. Stop doing homework and start having threesomes.
Taurus: I’m going to be honest: your ten-step nightly skincare routine is starting to strain your relationship with your roommate. On the other hand, you’ve never looked better. Compromises are hard! You know exactly what it takes to be your best self, but it’s important to remember that number one on that list is enjoying your life. You’re clinging to routine because you are lacking fun. Indulge in simple pleasures this month, Taurus. Stop taking your vitamins and go apple picking.
Gemini: Have you noticed that your powers of perception are extra strong lately? Things are falling into place for you, and what may seem like happy coincidences are actually results of a positive magnetic energy you’ve been emitting. Your belief in yourself is such a powerful tool that it borders on the magical- do not hesitate to take advantage of this. Take chances this month, Gemini. Stop trying to plan ahead and start brewing potions.
Cancer: If you were stranded on a desert island, what would you want to have with you? You have strong preferences, and you love an opportunity to rank and categorize. Lean into this. What makes you love the things you love? The answer can tell you a lot about yourself. Finding out what makes you hate the things you hate may be even more revealing. Play favorites this month, Cancer. Stop tolerating small inconveniences and start organizing your CD collection.
Leo: Everyone is jealous of you because your hair looks so goddamn good right now. It’s great to know where you stand with people, but it can be lonely at the top. The best part of being able to enter a room and know you’re the hottest person in it is the ability not to care what anyone thinks of you. True power is finding it in you to care anyway. Take yourself down a notch this month, Leo. Stop plucking your eyebrows and start going to movies alone.
Virgo: You bought that book months ago. Time to start reading it or give it to someone who will. Sometimes you avoid even pleasurable experiences because you know that you have the capacity to feel things very deeply, and that scares you. Don’t let it. Emotion, like any other resource, can be exploited––and to your advantage. Lean into your own intensity this month, Virgo. Stop watching TV and start crying in public.
Libra: It must be hard looking like you have your shit together all the time. I’ll let you in on a little secret: everyone knows you’re just as much of a mess as they are. Your ability to hide everything that’s wrong with you behind a brilliant façade makes you a beautifully complicated person, and also really funny. We love you for your faults just as much as the equally real virtues that mask them. Don’t hold back this month, Libra. Stop being polite and start wearing eyeliner.
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